Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
Please use this thread to report anywhere on the MUD we have English errors in helpfiles, rooms, etc. Try to be as specific as possible.
Gatz Seijuro,
Owner of NarutoMUD
Owner of NarutoMUD
Re: Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
The room description is copied and the problem area is underlined. Most of these are very small things. Any suggestions I make are just that -- suggestions -- to help better show what I view as the problem by expressing what I view as a solution.
These are rooms found within the Ninja Academy :
The Entrance Lobby
Simply the entrance of the Academy hints at the grandeur and eloquence
of the rest of the building. The entire framework and building is made
of wood and stone, with intricate engravings lacing up and down the
wall lengths. Images of stalwart heroes performing astounding jutsu
against villains who appear to be in great pain seem to jump off of
the walls and into any perceiver's mind.
Not sure why "simply" is here. Breaks up flow and is unnecessary. Not sure if it is wanted.
The Foyer
The foyer is nothing short of spectular. Three dimensional murals and
artistic projects have been posted up and really stimulate the mind.
While most of them are downright beautiful, others are simply children's
drawings, perhaps of the students currently in the Academy.
Incorrect Spelling : spectular = spectacular.
Three dimensional = Three-dimensional. As it stands, the sentence "Three dimensional murals" is referring to three murals that are dimensional.
Graduate Hallway
Small photographs of long graduated students have been placed upon the
walls. Some of them have a single chevron design in the lower left
corner, while others have two chevrons, while the occasional photograph
has the full set of three chevrons. They must signify the current rank of
the said Shinobi. It must take a lot of work to keep this hall up to date.
The usage of the word "long" is somewhat implying that the students themselves are long. I would suggest "long since", either as in "Small photographs of long since graduated students" or as "Small photographs of students long since graduated".
"the said" is redundant and breaks the flow a bit. "the", by itself, is fine, and "said", by itself, is better. It is also possible to replace "said" with another adjective or to use "the shinobi in question".
The Administration Office
A simple wooden counter extends from one wall to the other, with a
small door near its end to let staff and instructors through. On the
west wall hangs a set of gold-framed pictures, informing everybody who
the current staff and those in charge are. The list seem quite extensive,
and it must be, to keep a place like this fully operational.
Confusing modification.
"Informing everybody who" can be taken to mean "informing everybody who meets a certain criteria" -- in this case, the current staff and those in charge are. As this doesn't make sense, it becomes apparent that it means to say "Informing everbody" (general, non specific sense) on "who the current staff and those in charge are".
I would also recommend that "on just" be used, as it flows well with the rest of the sentence "who the current staff and those in charge are". Other minor details that are not entirely necessary would be replacing "those in charge" with "people in charge". It's correct either way, though.
Graduate Hallway
Although this hall is no less clean than any other part of the building,
it seems to be quite avoided. Possibly because most of the photographs in
this section only hold one chevron, indicating a Genin rank. Maybe it's
due to the fact that some of the pictures look a little scary. However,
it's probably because the male washroom is north.
Choppy sentences. I would suggest replacing "avoided. Possibly" with "avoided, possibly" and combine it into one sentence. I would suggest changing "possibly" to "perhaps", as well, but this is not a necessary change -- both are correct.
I would highly suggest against using "Maybe..." and then "However..." sentences so close together. I would suggest, instead, to either completely change the last sentence "The male washroom to the north certainly doesn't help things, either.", or to change the order -- "It's probably because the male washroom is north, however".
The description as a whole is a bit iffy, though, and probably won't be fixed with a simple sentence substitution.
Graduate Hallway
A lot more people are milling about this part of the hallway, possibly
because the pictures on the walls are mostly Jounin. Or perhaps because
of the delicate, sweet scent in the air. A small welcome mat sits snugly
in front of a door to the north.
We face the same problem in this description as we did in the last -- choppiness. Recommend changing to a comma to combine the two sentences and make a small change to the second sentence to allow for it to better fit -- "or perhaps due to the delicate, sweet scent in the air".
The Hallway Corner
This corner is a junction between two main hallways. To the east extends
the graduates' hallway, while to the south lie the classrooms. A small
flight of stairs lead up to a landing to the north, and glass doors let
the light from the outside stream in, warming this corner. A small glass
display case shows various art works created by the students.
art works = artworks
Classroom 2A
This classroom smells slightly of sweat, and the reason why becomes
obvious. There are no desks or other sort of 'book learning' materials.
Training mats have been set down all over the floor, along with various
non-lethal weaponry, such as bokken, shinai, and so on. The blackboard
contains the class' message.
A bit redundant and unexciting in its current form. I would recommend applying an adverb in order to correct this problem. "And the reason why quickly becomes obvious". "And the reason why slowly becomes obvious". Etc.
Classroom 3A
Looking like a typical classroom, handouts have been strewn across
the floor, with pure statistical numbers and calculations written all
over them. It's hard to believe that young Academy students would be
able to understeand all of the mathematics involved, but maybe that's
why Uchuugakure produces such high quality Shinobi. Today's complicating
lesson has been left on the blackboard.
Spelling mistake. understeand = understand
Possible mistake. Whereas "complicating" *does* fit, I am unsure as to whether it was intentionally used as opposed to "complicated".
A Busy Hallway
The smell of food becomes stronger, much stronger here, now that it's
so close to the cafeteria store. The tasty scents of various noodles and
soups is practically tangible, and would make anybody's mouth water in
desire. A metal door to the south leads to a flight of stairs.
Doesn't flow correctly. If you wish to keep the commas and order, "stronger, much stronger, here," is more correct. Personal recommendation is to set apart with dashes -- "...stronger -- much stronger -- now that it's..." It's also possible to use "much, much stronger".
Small note : I would recommend replacing "becomes" with "grows" -- "The smell of food grows stronger..." or "is" -- "The smell of food is stronger..."
A Deserted Landing
For an Academy that contains many students inside its threshold,
one would think that the stairwells would be used rather often with
the hussle and bustle of children racing up and down the stairs.
However, this stairwell looks downright deserted.
Incorrect Spelling. Hussle = Hustle
Classroom 2B
The stink of sweat and horrid body odour is THICK here, since this
is a work-out room. Exercise machines, weights, and bench pressing
are available to anybody who wishes to build their bodies, but at
the same time, a small section of the room has been devoted to quiet
mental reflection. The blackboard has a blurb of text, as well
as a set of instructions posted beside it.
Inconsistency. Suggest replacing "bench pressing" with "bench presses" (a noun, as the others, as opposed to a verb).
The Janitor's Closet
This closet is exactly what it's named after, a janitorial supply
closet. Brooms, mops, and various cleaning agents have been left lying
around with the occasional paint can. It's extremely dust in here, and
every slight step sends up a cloud of dust.
Incorrect word. Dust = dusty
The Stairwell
This stairwell is definitely not designs to accommodate those who are
claustrophobic. The wood and stone walls are tight and narrow, not
meant for large groups of people to travel between them at a time.
The stairs have been fitted with a sort of rubbery substance, most
likely to provide extra traction for those with wet sandals.
Incorrect word. Designs = designed
In the beginning town area (Kouin)
-----------------------------
FERRY SCHEDULE
-----------------------------
WEST: inquire with the
western ferryman by
saying 'west journey'
EAST: inquire with the
western ferryman by
saying 'east journey'
[if ferrymen are not
around, they should soon
return; just wait a few
moments.]
-----------------------------
Western = eastern.
When analyzing a weapon :
The weapon's progress to it's next level
Incorrect usage. it's = its
A few areas that have their box incorrectly done (the |'s that surround the name and description)
Kouin General Hospital
Ichiraku Ramen Stand
Kouin General Store
~~~~~
These are all of the errors I have managed to find at present and, unless asked otherwise, will continue to keep you updated.
I will also note that, in some cases, I have noticed that the British spelling is chosen (such as colour). While these are not incorrect, it is important to remain consistent -- I recommend against using both spelling conventions (using "colour" in some instances / rooms, and "color" in others). I have yet to see a good percentage of the MUD as it is, so I am unable to say whether the convention is followed throughout all areas (which is idealistic and hard to achieve) and, thus, am unable to criticize specific instances (though I am fully prepared to warn against said practice in the meantime). Minor detail, not overly important -- simply stating an observation.
These are rooms found within the Ninja Academy :
The Entrance Lobby
Simply the entrance of the Academy hints at the grandeur and eloquence
of the rest of the building. The entire framework and building is made
of wood and stone, with intricate engravings lacing up and down the
wall lengths. Images of stalwart heroes performing astounding jutsu
against villains who appear to be in great pain seem to jump off of
the walls and into any perceiver's mind.
Not sure why "simply" is here. Breaks up flow and is unnecessary. Not sure if it is wanted.
The Foyer
The foyer is nothing short of spectular. Three dimensional murals and
artistic projects have been posted up and really stimulate the mind.
While most of them are downright beautiful, others are simply children's
drawings, perhaps of the students currently in the Academy.
Incorrect Spelling : spectular = spectacular.
Three dimensional = Three-dimensional. As it stands, the sentence "Three dimensional murals" is referring to three murals that are dimensional.
Graduate Hallway
Small photographs of long graduated students have been placed upon the
walls. Some of them have a single chevron design in the lower left
corner, while others have two chevrons, while the occasional photograph
has the full set of three chevrons. They must signify the current rank of
the said Shinobi. It must take a lot of work to keep this hall up to date.
The usage of the word "long" is somewhat implying that the students themselves are long. I would suggest "long since", either as in "Small photographs of long since graduated students" or as "Small photographs of students long since graduated".
"the said" is redundant and breaks the flow a bit. "the", by itself, is fine, and "said", by itself, is better. It is also possible to replace "said" with another adjective or to use "the shinobi in question".
The Administration Office
A simple wooden counter extends from one wall to the other, with a
small door near its end to let staff and instructors through. On the
west wall hangs a set of gold-framed pictures, informing everybody who
the current staff and those in charge are. The list seem quite extensive,
and it must be, to keep a place like this fully operational.
Confusing modification.
"Informing everybody who" can be taken to mean "informing everybody who meets a certain criteria" -- in this case, the current staff and those in charge are. As this doesn't make sense, it becomes apparent that it means to say "Informing everbody" (general, non specific sense) on "who the current staff and those in charge are".
I would also recommend that "on just" be used, as it flows well with the rest of the sentence "who the current staff and those in charge are". Other minor details that are not entirely necessary would be replacing "those in charge" with "people in charge". It's correct either way, though.
Graduate Hallway
Although this hall is no less clean than any other part of the building,
it seems to be quite avoided. Possibly because most of the photographs in
this section only hold one chevron, indicating a Genin rank. Maybe it's
due to the fact that some of the pictures look a little scary. However,
it's probably because the male washroom is north.
Choppy sentences. I would suggest replacing "avoided. Possibly" with "avoided, possibly" and combine it into one sentence. I would suggest changing "possibly" to "perhaps", as well, but this is not a necessary change -- both are correct.
I would highly suggest against using "Maybe..." and then "However..." sentences so close together. I would suggest, instead, to either completely change the last sentence "The male washroom to the north certainly doesn't help things, either.", or to change the order -- "It's probably because the male washroom is north, however".
The description as a whole is a bit iffy, though, and probably won't be fixed with a simple sentence substitution.
Graduate Hallway
A lot more people are milling about this part of the hallway, possibly
because the pictures on the walls are mostly Jounin. Or perhaps because
of the delicate, sweet scent in the air. A small welcome mat sits snugly
in front of a door to the north.
We face the same problem in this description as we did in the last -- choppiness. Recommend changing to a comma to combine the two sentences and make a small change to the second sentence to allow for it to better fit -- "or perhaps due to the delicate, sweet scent in the air".
The Hallway Corner
This corner is a junction between two main hallways. To the east extends
the graduates' hallway, while to the south lie the classrooms. A small
flight of stairs lead up to a landing to the north, and glass doors let
the light from the outside stream in, warming this corner. A small glass
display case shows various art works created by the students.
art works = artworks
Classroom 2A
This classroom smells slightly of sweat, and the reason why becomes
obvious. There are no desks or other sort of 'book learning' materials.
Training mats have been set down all over the floor, along with various
non-lethal weaponry, such as bokken, shinai, and so on. The blackboard
contains the class' message.
A bit redundant and unexciting in its current form. I would recommend applying an adverb in order to correct this problem. "And the reason why quickly becomes obvious". "And the reason why slowly becomes obvious". Etc.
Classroom 3A
Looking like a typical classroom, handouts have been strewn across
the floor, with pure statistical numbers and calculations written all
over them. It's hard to believe that young Academy students would be
able to understeand all of the mathematics involved, but maybe that's
why Uchuugakure produces such high quality Shinobi. Today's complicating
lesson has been left on the blackboard.
Spelling mistake. understeand = understand
Possible mistake. Whereas "complicating" *does* fit, I am unsure as to whether it was intentionally used as opposed to "complicated".
A Busy Hallway
The smell of food becomes stronger, much stronger here, now that it's
so close to the cafeteria store. The tasty scents of various noodles and
soups is practically tangible, and would make anybody's mouth water in
desire. A metal door to the south leads to a flight of stairs.
Doesn't flow correctly. If you wish to keep the commas and order, "stronger, much stronger, here," is more correct. Personal recommendation is to set apart with dashes -- "...stronger -- much stronger -- now that it's..." It's also possible to use "much, much stronger".
Small note : I would recommend replacing "becomes" with "grows" -- "The smell of food grows stronger..." or "is" -- "The smell of food is stronger..."
A Deserted Landing
For an Academy that contains many students inside its threshold,
one would think that the stairwells would be used rather often with
the hussle and bustle of children racing up and down the stairs.
However, this stairwell looks downright deserted.
Incorrect Spelling. Hussle = Hustle
Classroom 2B
The stink of sweat and horrid body odour is THICK here, since this
is a work-out room. Exercise machines, weights, and bench pressing
are available to anybody who wishes to build their bodies, but at
the same time, a small section of the room has been devoted to quiet
mental reflection. The blackboard has a blurb of text, as well
as a set of instructions posted beside it.
Inconsistency. Suggest replacing "bench pressing" with "bench presses" (a noun, as the others, as opposed to a verb).
The Janitor's Closet
This closet is exactly what it's named after, a janitorial supply
closet. Brooms, mops, and various cleaning agents have been left lying
around with the occasional paint can. It's extremely dust in here, and
every slight step sends up a cloud of dust.
Incorrect word. Dust = dusty
The Stairwell
This stairwell is definitely not designs to accommodate those who are
claustrophobic. The wood and stone walls are tight and narrow, not
meant for large groups of people to travel between them at a time.
The stairs have been fitted with a sort of rubbery substance, most
likely to provide extra traction for those with wet sandals.
Incorrect word. Designs = designed
In the beginning town area (Kouin)
-----------------------------
FERRY SCHEDULE
-----------------------------
WEST: inquire with the
western ferryman by
saying 'west journey'
EAST: inquire with the
western ferryman by
saying 'east journey'
[if ferrymen are not
around, they should soon
return; just wait a few
moments.]
-----------------------------
Western = eastern.
When analyzing a weapon :
The weapon's progress to it's next level
Incorrect usage. it's = its
A few areas that have their box incorrectly done (the |'s that surround the name and description)
Kouin General Hospital
Ichiraku Ramen Stand
Kouin General Store
~~~~~
These are all of the errors I have managed to find at present and, unless asked otherwise, will continue to keep you updated.
I will also note that, in some cases, I have noticed that the British spelling is chosen (such as colour). While these are not incorrect, it is important to remain consistent -- I recommend against using both spelling conventions (using "colour" in some instances / rooms, and "color" in others). I have yet to see a good percentage of the MUD as it is, so I am unable to say whether the convention is followed throughout all areas (which is idealistic and hard to achieve) and, thus, am unable to criticize specific instances (though I am fully prepared to warn against said practice in the meantime). Minor detail, not overly important -- simply stating an observation.
Re: Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
Yuuta wrote:These are all of the errors I have managed to find at present and, unless asked otherwise, will continue to keep you updated.
Please make new posts for each batch of things you find, it makes it so much easier for us to organize them. My old eyes have trouble picking up new things from edited posts.
Gatz Seijuro,
Owner of NarutoMUD
Owner of NarutoMUD
Re: Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
(Crazy Koto's Blood Form)
1) When do you find yourself happiest?
1 - When I'm working on a no-pressure, logical.
2 - When I'm leading a team to victory!
3 - When I am free to do as I please.
4 - When everything around me is in organized harmony! solution
Possible misplaced word
"When I'm working on a no-pressure, logical *solution*.
"When everything around me is in organized harmony!"
2) Which type of social gathering do you most prefer?
1 - Small formal get-togethers.
2 - Calm, casual gatherings.
3 - Large, extravigant parties.
4 - Wild parties.
Incorrect spelling.
extravigant = extravagant
3) Which place would you most like to visit?
1 - A party.
2 - Nowhere I don't go in my day-to-day life.
3 - A courthouse (when not on trial).
4 - A capital building.
Incorrect word usage. I do believe you meant to use the word "capitol".
4) What are you most attracted to in a potential partner?
1 - The quiet shy ones.
2 - The people that would fit in with your friends.
3 - The impulsive type.
4 - The loud interesting ones.
Commas are not present :
"The quiet, shy ones"
"The loud, interesting ones"
There's also a bit of... dissonance between the questions and the answers. As it stands, it appears to be asking for qualities of said people (i.e., "their eyes") as opposed to a general archetype (i.e., "the quiet, shy ones"). I would suggest : "Which potential partner would attract you most?" Optional addition -- "generally". "Which potential partner would generally attract you most?" and change the answers to use the same word "type" :
"The quiet, shy type"
"The type that would fit in with your friends"
"The impulsive type"
"The loud, interesting type"
11) How to you tell someone bad news?
1 - I just go right out an say it.
2 - I think about how to calm people down before I say it then try to sooth them.
3 - I steer the conversation towards it, then reveal it after they brought it up.
4 - I make sure I'm not the one to tell it.
Incorrect word usage.
"to" = "do"
"an" = "and"
Incorrect word usage. "sooth" = "soothe"
Incorrect verb tense. Suggested change : "then reveal it after they bring it up" or "then reveal it after they've brought it up".
(Kata : Kame Style)
=The Shell
You slowly move your right arm in a circular motion and return it to it's position.
Incorrect word usage. "it's" = "its"
You slowly move your left arm in a circular motion and return it to it's position.
Incorrect word usage. "it's" = "its"
You take a small step out and push both of your hands forward, while perserving 'The Shell'.
Incorrect spelling. "perserving" = "preserving"
=The Great Turtle
You close yours eyes and focus your mind as you begin the Great Aged Turtle Kata.
Incorrect word usage. "yours" = "your"
Inconsistency between Kata "name" and referenced name. Not so much a grammatical error as it is curious as to why the names are different. Potentially intended. EDIT: This was my mistake -- I used "The Great Turtle" when keeping track of the kata, but the name is actually "The Great Aged Turtle"
Eyes closed you picture the perfect kick then you slowly raise your leg and perform a snap-kick.
Comma is not present : "Eyes closed you picture" = "Eyes closed, you picture"
Using the pronoun "you" when the object has clearly been defined is redundant. Suggested change (including the previous one) : "Eyes closed, you picture the perfect kick before slowly raising your leg to perform a snap-kick"
"kick" is also used a bit too often and causes the sentence to regurgitate upon itself a bit. Suggested change to fix this, as well : "Eyes closed, you picture the perfect snap-kick and slowly raise your leg to perform it".
Another potential fix is to make the "snap-kick" more interesting :
"Eyes closed, you picture the perfect kick before slowly raising your leg to perform a well-executed snap-kick."
"Well-executed" can be replaced with another word, so long as it describes it well enough to set it apart.
You slowly bend your elbow, without losing your center you quickly thrust your palm forward.
Comma usage is fuzzy. The repeated pronoun "you" is redundant. Suggested change : "You slowly bend your elbow and, without losing your center, quickly thrust your palm forward". It is also possible to replace "your" with "a", as it is already implied that the palm belongs to you.
As you slow your breathing and calm yourself you try to remember all the experiences you've gained.
A bit lengthy and awkward without any pauses. Suggested change : "As you slow your breathing and calm yourself, you try to remember all the experiences you've gained".
Looking into your soul you try to internalize your external strength.
Same problem as the above. "Looking into your soul, you try to internalize your external strength."
I would also suggest replacing the word "try" with "attempt" so as to prevent an unsavory repetition of words.
=Gentle Sea Turtle
With a fluid sweeping motion your move your arms in a circle while focusing on your breathing.
Incorrect word usage. "your" = "you".
Suggest comma use, as well. "With a fluid sweeping motion, you move...".
However, I would suggest rearranging the sentence itself for better flow : "While focusing on your breathing, you move your arms in a circle with a fluid sweeping motion".
As your left hand falls laggardly alongside your hip you flex your knees and close your distance with the ground.
Suggest comma use : "alongside your hip, you flex..."
It has already been established that the distances between the subject and the ground belongs to "you". Using the second "your" is redundant : "and close the distance to the ground."
I also suggest replacing "alongside" to "toward" to better make use of the descriptive word "laggardly".
Slowly extending your knees you stand tall and begin to make slow blocking motions while maintaining your composure.
Suggest comma use : "extending your knees, you stand..."
The sentence itself is a bit lacking in grace. I suggest a bit of rearrangement with minor modification to allow for easier transition : "Slowly extending your knees, you stand tall, carefully maintaining your composure as you begin to make slow blocking motions."
"Carefully" can be replaced with any other suitable descriptive word.
1) When do you find yourself happiest?
1 - When I'm working on a no-pressure, logical.
2 - When I'm leading a team to victory!
3 - When I am free to do as I please.
4 - When everything around me is in organized harmony! solution
Possible misplaced word
"When I'm working on a no-pressure, logical *solution*.
"When everything around me is in organized harmony!"
2) Which type of social gathering do you most prefer?
1 - Small formal get-togethers.
2 - Calm, casual gatherings.
3 - Large, extravigant parties.
4 - Wild parties.
Incorrect spelling.
extravigant = extravagant
3) Which place would you most like to visit?
1 - A party.
2 - Nowhere I don't go in my day-to-day life.
3 - A courthouse (when not on trial).
4 - A capital building.
Incorrect word usage. I do believe you meant to use the word "capitol".
4) What are you most attracted to in a potential partner?
1 - The quiet shy ones.
2 - The people that would fit in with your friends.
3 - The impulsive type.
4 - The loud interesting ones.
Commas are not present :
"The quiet, shy ones"
"The loud, interesting ones"
There's also a bit of... dissonance between the questions and the answers. As it stands, it appears to be asking for qualities of said people (i.e., "their eyes") as opposed to a general archetype (i.e., "the quiet, shy ones"). I would suggest : "Which potential partner would attract you most?" Optional addition -- "generally". "Which potential partner would generally attract you most?" and change the answers to use the same word "type" :
"The quiet, shy type"
"The type that would fit in with your friends"
"The impulsive type"
"The loud, interesting type"
11) How to you tell someone bad news?
1 - I just go right out an say it.
2 - I think about how to calm people down before I say it then try to sooth them.
3 - I steer the conversation towards it, then reveal it after they brought it up.
4 - I make sure I'm not the one to tell it.
Incorrect word usage.
"to" = "do"
"an" = "and"
Incorrect word usage. "sooth" = "soothe"
Incorrect verb tense. Suggested change : "then reveal it after they bring it up" or "then reveal it after they've brought it up".
(Kata : Kame Style)
=The Shell
You slowly move your right arm in a circular motion and return it to it's position.
Incorrect word usage. "it's" = "its"
You slowly move your left arm in a circular motion and return it to it's position.
Incorrect word usage. "it's" = "its"
You take a small step out and push both of your hands forward, while perserving 'The Shell'.
Incorrect spelling. "perserving" = "preserving"
=The Great Turtle
You close yours eyes and focus your mind as you begin the Great Aged Turtle Kata.
Incorrect word usage. "yours" = "your"
Inconsistency between Kata "name" and referenced name. Not so much a grammatical error as it is curious as to why the names are different. Potentially intended. EDIT: This was my mistake -- I used "The Great Turtle" when keeping track of the kata, but the name is actually "The Great Aged Turtle"
Eyes closed you picture the perfect kick then you slowly raise your leg and perform a snap-kick.
Comma is not present : "Eyes closed you picture" = "Eyes closed, you picture"
Using the pronoun "you" when the object has clearly been defined is redundant. Suggested change (including the previous one) : "Eyes closed, you picture the perfect kick before slowly raising your leg to perform a snap-kick"
"kick" is also used a bit too often and causes the sentence to regurgitate upon itself a bit. Suggested change to fix this, as well : "Eyes closed, you picture the perfect snap-kick and slowly raise your leg to perform it".
Another potential fix is to make the "snap-kick" more interesting :
"Eyes closed, you picture the perfect kick before slowly raising your leg to perform a well-executed snap-kick."
"Well-executed" can be replaced with another word, so long as it describes it well enough to set it apart.
You slowly bend your elbow, without losing your center you quickly thrust your palm forward.
Comma usage is fuzzy. The repeated pronoun "you" is redundant. Suggested change : "You slowly bend your elbow and, without losing your center, quickly thrust your palm forward". It is also possible to replace "your" with "a", as it is already implied that the palm belongs to you.
As you slow your breathing and calm yourself you try to remember all the experiences you've gained.
A bit lengthy and awkward without any pauses. Suggested change : "As you slow your breathing and calm yourself, you try to remember all the experiences you've gained".
Looking into your soul you try to internalize your external strength.
Same problem as the above. "Looking into your soul, you try to internalize your external strength."
I would also suggest replacing the word "try" with "attempt" so as to prevent an unsavory repetition of words.
=Gentle Sea Turtle
With a fluid sweeping motion your move your arms in a circle while focusing on your breathing.
Incorrect word usage. "your" = "you".
Suggest comma use, as well. "With a fluid sweeping motion, you move...".
However, I would suggest rearranging the sentence itself for better flow : "While focusing on your breathing, you move your arms in a circle with a fluid sweeping motion".
As your left hand falls laggardly alongside your hip you flex your knees and close your distance with the ground.
Suggest comma use : "alongside your hip, you flex..."
It has already been established that the distances between the subject and the ground belongs to "you". Using the second "your" is redundant : "and close the distance to the ground."
I also suggest replacing "alongside" to "toward" to better make use of the descriptive word "laggardly".
Slowly extending your knees you stand tall and begin to make slow blocking motions while maintaining your composure.
Suggest comma use : "extending your knees, you stand..."
The sentence itself is a bit lacking in grace. I suggest a bit of rearrangement with minor modification to allow for easier transition : "Slowly extending your knees, you stand tall, carefully maintaining your composure as you begin to make slow blocking motions."
"Carefully" can be replaced with any other suitable descriptive word.
Last edited by Yuuta on Mon Jun 28, 2010 11:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
I'm very glad you're on our side, Yuuta. Your abilities, used for evil, could troll thousands of forums. Thanks for the posts, we'll chug on fixing these up.
Gatz Seijuro,
Owner of NarutoMUD
Owner of NarutoMUD
Re: Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
Role-Playing:
While we are in Alpha, poleplaying is encouraged, but not enforced. There
are no strict requirements to RP with someone. A bio may be required by
your potential RP partners. Any use of global channels for RP use is
illegal. RP is to be done privately with your partner(s). You may RP
wherever you want, but it is to be done privately. The Immortals of
NarutoMUD do not enforece Role-Playing, so please don't go complaining to
them on how this guy cheated during his RP session.
Note: Custom jutsu are not allowed in roleplay and any RPs containing them
will not receive any RPP.
Re: Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
Syntax: Godfist [Note: While in combat]
The Bato Shing God Fist, designed to make use of the whole body's energy
through the fist into one leathal attack delievered to the opponent's
ribs. When done correctly, it can easily shatter the ribs.
Note: God Fist can only be done in Aggressive styles, including a custom
style that has an attack of 1.2 or better.
Re: Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
Syntax: Tactic (Option)
The ability to be tactical in combat is paramount in achieving victory.
Even a weak team can overcome a strong opponents with a good strategy
backing them.
Options:
- Formation: Put your entire team into a battle formation.
- Attack: Order someone on your team to attack someone else.
- Defend: Order someone on your team to defend someone else.
- Ignore: Ignore any orders issused to you.
Re: Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
Syntax: Kuyoudzuka (Argument) (No Argument defaults to you)
This Jutsu roughly translated to "Unknown Grave Hunter". This skill has very
mysterious roots. It is said that it took 10 years to develope. Performing the
Jutsu is no easier, often taking long periods of time and draining the user.
This skill can retrieve corpes for you or someone who intrusts you with the
"grave" command.
Re: Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
------------------------------[Help Database]-------------------------------
Keywords: RULES
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
12) Multiplaying is allowed.
[Question] Is multiplaying legal here?
Answer 1: Sure, I'm playing 10 characters right now!
Answer 2: Don't try to hold me back with your 'rules'!
Answer 3: No! One person can only play one character at a time!
Answer 4: Why not? Common!
Answer 5: 3
Use the 'answer' command to answer the question!
You picked answer number 3!
You're correct! Congratulations!
Which is it?
Re: Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
You take a small step out and push both of your hands forward, while prserving 'The Shell'.
Re: Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
In Help Rule D
"...
No special considerations will be taken with anyone, no matter what they're background are or how much they can 'benefit' the game.
..."
FIXED -
No special considerations will be taken with anyone, no matter what they're background is or how much they can 'benefit' the game.
"...
No special considerations will be taken with anyone, no matter what they're background are or how much they can 'benefit' the game.
..."
FIXED -
No special considerations will be taken with anyone, no matter what they're background is or how much they can 'benefit' the game.
NarutoMUD - Leaf - Ashido
Ashido wrote:人生の隠さ崩壊 ~ マヂク
Re: Spelling, Grammar or any Misc English Errors
Madiku wrote:In Help Rule D
"...
No special considerations will be taken with anyone, no matter what they're background are or how much they can 'benefit' the game.
..."
FIXED -
No special considerations will be taken with anyone, no matter what they're background is or how much they can 'benefit' the game.
Fixed slightly more:
No special considerations will be taken with anyone, no matter what their background is or how much they can 'benefit' the game.
[FIXED]Typo in that one village with the raiding ninjas
A hitokurou villager wanders Taki Lane with a sour look on his face. Taki infact should be Toki
***This should be fixed now -Zetsuke
***This should be fixed now -Zetsuke